Futile attempts to contact you have rendered several employees certifiably "anguished". We have therefore invented this bunificent new product to arouse your interest and the interest of many of your wealthy friends. How would you like to have 80 or 90 fresh eggs each day?

With our new product The Ovutron®, created by notable scientists the world over, such a wondiferous scenario is possible. No stores, no chickens, using our patented technologies, YOU will produce upwards of 85 eggs PER DAY. Just attach the magic eye optic cables to each buttock and squat over a hot frying pan.

Within minutes, you will have sizzling omelettes and fritters with no boring cleanup.

Please call immediately and contact all your wealthy matronly friends who are grand lovers of omelettes. Take full advantage of our offer...before it's too late!

Your pal,
hiney@hineymarketing.com miserable failure